It’s been close to six weeks since I prematurely came back from a world trip. The circumstances under which we came home were not ideal. During the past six weeks I’ve been in a strange place. Maybe that’s why I feel like I’m in a huge rut. It's been that strange that I haven't been able to bring myself to sit in front of a computer and get out my thoughts.
My partner and I were in Serbia when we got an email asking us to call home. My partner called, and the news was that his mother, who a year ago had been diagnosed with cancer, was going to undertake treatment again. The first few rounds hadn’t worked, so another round was necessary. We decided it was best to go home. Three flights later, we arrived in Melbourne.
It was a good thing too, for about a month after our return she passed away.
This past month was the only time I got to spend with her. I had spoken to her on the phone before, but we had never met until that day she came out to the airport to greet her son.
Since returning, I’ve had a real bad run, creatively speaking. I can’t bring myself to sit down and do anything. It could also be that my usual tools aren’t with me yet, so all I can do is walk around at a loss for what to do. It's this really subtle feeling of impermanence. The weather has not been nice. There are probably heaps of reasons as to why I can’t bring myself to do anything creative. But I picked up my camera today and took a few shots, and this was intensely satisfying. I hope this is a sign for things to come.
A grey post to re-start the blog, but it needed to be done. I feel things will turn up once I’ve passed this stage of limbo.
